so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
