what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
