Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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