One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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