And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
