That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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