I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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