Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
