Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
