why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
