An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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