U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
