Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
