i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
