Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Randomize
