I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
