It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
