I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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