what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
