then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
