Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
