when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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