Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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