dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
