If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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