found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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