Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
