i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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