I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize