My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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