he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
