I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
