the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
