He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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