im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
