Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
