Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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