dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
