Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
