I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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