So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
