Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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