trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
