You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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