After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
