Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
