I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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