kristin has been a bad kristin
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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