Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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