did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize