I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
