Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize