You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
