just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
