We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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