o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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