Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
