I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
