I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
