I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
