Only a mothe r could love this liver
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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