I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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