haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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