Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
