please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
