im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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