I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
