I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
