sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
