A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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