Swine flu. Run for my life!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
