I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
